I meant your translation is good but not fully useful for learners because it is too interpretative. It is difficult to match the exact words/expressions wth your English version. 

English-oriented term= typical mistake by most of the English native speakers. They do not look at grammar contents but more how a sentence will be properly said in English. 

And, in my opinion, it is not good for learning a foreign language because one will not ever understand a grammar patterns, word order, etc.